my vcr is broken

i opened it up and noticed that the fuse is blown so i'll stop at a truvalue or something and fix it when i get back because i left my soldering iron there

now i just need to find a real vhs camera, there are plenty of ebay and craigslist but they're either *untested* or $200

with no middle ground

guess i'm just gonna have to save up

after we found that food pantry thing money isn't as tight and i think we'll be able to save up within the next month to get everything we need

i'm so excited for the future

i feel terrible now, but that's okay, that just means i'm human. this is the exact reaction that a human should feel after everything that happened

that's not super comforting though, people like to think that they're, but in the grand scheme of things they're really not. the earth is so monumentally small, and has been around in the universe for such a monumentally short amount of time, and humans have only been on the earth for a tiny fraction of how long the earth has been here.

and what's a life? like 80 years or so? that's literally nothing.

not even able to be calculated compared to the age of the universe

we do not exist

the entire human race will have come and gone in a tiny tiny tiny blip of existence in this infinite void that the earth is hurdling through, making everyone's individual lives undoubtably meaningless

we do not exist and yet

everyone still thinks that they are important
everyone is still trying to carve their name out in this planet's history, in some futile attempt to seek happiness
and for a long time, i resented people for that

why is everyone wasting their time with that when life is so meaningless?

but thinking about it now, that's really beautiful

in the face of such a mind-boggling nothingness of existence, people still do what they can to find happiness
in thus huge, unforgiving, mean, beautiful, unfamiliar world

people put aside these thoughts and focus on what matters to them

and shit, who am i to stop someone from seeking happiness, everyone deserves happiness, including me, and i wouldn't want someone to try and stop me in that pursuit

everyone is on ther own journey, and i think that's really beautiful

and everything is really beautiful